I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
