So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
