forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Blood and glitter go together right?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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