what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
whose ass print is on the piano?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
