Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
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