Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
