You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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