I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
