So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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