dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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