I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
