i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
