Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
