Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
