Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
