I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
