I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
