Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
