Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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