He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2