Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.