You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap