ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?