Where did you get a picture of my penis
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub