the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
