Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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