Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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