you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
