We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
