M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
