omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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