I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
