My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
