The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
