I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
