Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
