I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
