I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
