Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
