Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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