is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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