so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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