sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
