matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
