Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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