There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
