508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
