We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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