I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
