grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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