I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
