I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
