First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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