i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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