Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
