shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am puke
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
