The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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