this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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