Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
