matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
