call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
