So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
