The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
