hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
