Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
