jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
