Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
