ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
