We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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