Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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