theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dear god my vagina.
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