There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
