Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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