it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
